10 questions meme

So I thought I'd get on board with that 10 questions meme that is going around. I'm typing the questions from memory, so I might get a couple mixed up. Be cool.

Do you have a racist class in your game?

You mean like Klansmen? No, I don't even have dwarfs. That's a weird question. Kind of disturbing, really.

Do elfs have their own heaven?

Yes and it is right next to dog heaven. You have to decide each day whether you want to be a dog or an elf. Whichever, it is way the fuck better than human heaven, 'cause you can lay around all day eating lembas flavored milkbone, licking the taste of the ones you ate the day before out of your own ass.

Descending or ascending AC?

Whew, that's a little personal, but I think as long as everyone is hygienic and gets their blood tested on a regular basis, it really isn't any of my business. Make sure to shower after, though. Nothing ruins a TPK like stank ass.

Do you take drugs, Danny?

Every day.

Are magic users less likable than fighters?

Yeah, sorry to say, it's the hats, the bad hygiene and the inability to get laid that makes them awful. Everyone knows Gandalf is moochy bastard who can't get anyone to touch his cock. Also I hate it when I climb onto the back of a dragon dildo and the guy next to me is taking up half of my seat with his "material components," if you know what I mean.

How many of these meme things have you taken part in?

This is my first one; pretty excited, hope I don't fuck it up!

What is that smell?

See the magic user question.

Do you use alignment languages?

I speak 1970's Marvel Comics pseudo Jive, does that count, sucka?!?!!?!!?

XP for gold?

I only take American Dollars, Euros and plasma.

Which OSR game do you think is played by the most sex offenders?

Now this is a good question. At first glance, you might think that LotoFaps is the shoe in, but, man, I am convinced that 1e still holds the title. I mean, come on, you can't beat the king just by failing to shock your mom like 25 times in a row- no matter how hard you try. My game store fits you with an ankle bracelet if they even catch you looking at the 1e DMG. If you try to buy a LotoFaPs product, they just give you an Iron Maiden album, a copy of Tiger Beat (the Lief Garret issue) some acne medication, and call your dad to come drive you home. Sometimes, though, they separate the boys and girls, send them to the auditorium in small groups, and make them watch a movie about how their bodies are changing.

That was great! How'd I do? Now it's your turn!