Crassly Sexualized Science Fantasy Sorcerer Spells: NSFW?

Perky Shae Sorceress, Altia, moments from a confrontation with a mutated tree and a horny beanbag… er… it was supposed to look like a rock. Honest. Fuck it. This shit is free, stop bitching… Look a tattooed elephant! and nipples! Click to engorge enlarge.

Ahem, anyway...

As I have stated elsewhere, clerics are rarer than humans on the Metal Earth (i.e. pretty fucking rare) . However, Sorcerers not only have all the MU spells, but access to some spells which are traditionally reserved for clerics as well. I have made small changes to most of the spells below and there are a couple of new spells too. The list below contains only first level spells; the rest will come soon.

Before I get to the spells, two items for those of you who visit regularly:

1. I’m a bit scattered lately, but a lot of the incomplete multi-part posts (like this one) will be worked out in the near future; I have no idea in what order, though.

2. I don’t really have another item, I just wanted to throw a list up because I thought it might make me look organized in front of the folks that showed up for the tattooed, earring sporting elephant (Which I think I stole the idea for from a dirty Pathfinder book I flipped through).

3. Wait, I do have something! Everything is under control. I got a scanner, the art I post will look a little bit better. Over the next week or so, I'm going to switch out some of what is already up for newly scanned versions.

First Level Sorcerer Spells

Most of these are based on the OGL spells from S&W WB. A few are my own. I have altered all but the final three, but I left them up as a convenience for those who wish to make use of the list . They can copy it all from here. I declare all of my own spells open game content.

Arcane Bolt

Spell Level: S1

Range: 20ft

Duration: instantaneous

Caster throws a bolt of howling chaos energy. This bolt will cause a minor wound to any medium or smaller creature. A second bolt (cast during the next round only) will rob the target of 50% of their remaining hit points, and expand the Minor Wound into a Major Wound.

Detect Corruption

Spell Level: S1

Range: 60 ft.

Duration: 1 hour

The caster detects creatures that have been altered or corrupted by radiation or magic within the spell’s range.

Detect Magic

Spell Level: S1

Range: 60 ft.

Duration: 20 min.

The caster can perceive in places, people, or things the presence of a magical spell or enchantment. Magical items or secretly placed charms may be discovered with this spell.

Detect Radiation

Spell level: S1

Range: 200 ft.

Duration: 1 hr

The caster can perceive dangerous levels of radiation within the spell’s range.

Infatuate

Spell Level: S1

Range: 120 ft.

Duration: Until dispelled

This spell affects living bipeds of human size or smaller, such as apes or sharkmen. If the spell succeeds (saving throw allowed), the unfortunate creature falls under the caster’s influence. In order to cast the spell the caster must possess a personal item belonging to the target, or use an obvious visible focus, such as a shiny coin.

Illuminate/Shroud

Spell Level: S1

Range: 120 ft.

Duration: 1 hour + 10 min./level

1. As an illuminate spell the caster brings into being a floating globe of light about the size of a human skull and about as bright as a torch. The globe moves with the caster or remains stationary, at thei sorcerer’s discretion.

2. As a Shroud spell, the caster instead causes night-time darkness to fall upon the area with a radius of 20 feet, regardless of extant light sources. This field of darkenss can move with the caster or remain in one place, at the sorcerer’s discretion.

Mend

Spell Level: S1

Range: Touch

Duration: Instantaneous

The caster can cure one Minor Wound or reduce one Major wound to a Minor Wound. If cast twice, the spell can cure one Major Wound or reduce a Grievous Wound to a Major wound. No wound will respond to the speel more than twice. The spell caster cannot cast the spell on herself and incurs 1 pt of Hit Point damage each time the spell is cast. This point of damage takes 24 hours to heal.

Power up
Spell Level: S1
Range: Touch
Duration: 1 min (1 charge)/ level:

The caster has the ability to power up any technological device such as an autonm, computer, raygun, or a electronic door

Protection from Radiation/Chaos

Spell Level: S1

Range: Caster only

Duration: 1 hour

Will protect caster from effects of harmful radiation, Arcane Bolts or curse squalls.

Purify/ Putrefy Food and Drink

Spell Level: S1

Range: Close/Touch

Duration: Instantaneous

1. As a Purify Food and Drink spell. the caster causes enough food and water for up to a dozen people to be made pure, removing spoilage and poisons.

2. As a Putrefy Food and Drink spell. the caster causes enough food and water for up to a dozen people to be made putrid, creating spoilage and poisons.

Read Languages

Spell Level: S1

Range: Reading distance

Duration: 1 or 2 readings

This spell allows the caster to read directions, instructions, and similar notations that are written in unfamiliar or even unknown languages. It is especially useful for treasure maps.

Read Magic

Spell Level: S1

Range: Caster only

Duration: 2 scrolls or other writings

This spell allows the caster to read magical writings on items and scrolls. Magical writing cannot be read without the use of this spell.

Sleep

Spell Level: S1

Range: 240 ft.

Duration: Referee’s discretion

This spell puts enemies into an enchanted slumber (no saving throw is permitted). It can affect a number of creatures based on their hit dice.

Note: I wrote this piece of shit in Word before moving it over to blogger and the format is well and truly fucked; I can't seem to fix it, so please excuse the goofy spacing in some places.

Modular rule design, The mulligan point and a question

Yet another note about my house rule design philosophy.
I'm trying to keep all these rules modular, so that you can use what you want and leave the rest behind. Taken as a whole, the hit point and damage system is the most large scale radical change I've made to the game, but you could probably break it apart and use what you want.


Moving on, various games have a system whereby players have some kind of point store they can draw upon to influence the action at the table, or maybe re-roll a die or something. I am of two minds about these kinds of points. I kind of like the fact that a player has a mechanism to save a beloved character from time to time, but I don't like the idea that you just get these things, and that you might have a bunch of them held in reserve so you can do all kinds of stupid shit without much fear of suffering. If, as referee, I am impeded in my ability to make you suffer, something is fucked up.

So here you go.

The Mulligan point.
(Edit: changed slightly from the original version)
Characters receive 1 Mulligan pt for 500 xp/ level. This point allows the character to have a second attempt at any single failed die roll in the game. The character may never possess more than one Mulligan point at any one time. The Mulligan point must be purchased before the adventure begins- not as they are needed. All Mulligan point rolls are normal with no additional positive modifiers. Intent to use the point must be voiced immediately after the failed roll. For example if a character misses in combat, and then is hit with a critical by his opponent, he may not use the mulligan to re-roll his missed attack.

Truthfully, I don't know how I feel about this one. I'm going to have to test it in play. My gut feeling is that combat is still lethal enough that his wont fuck things up, but, we'll see, I guess. All in all, it's an attempt to implement a newish concept in an old school way. Is that even fucking possible?

All this ruminating leads to a question:
At what point have we house ruled ourselves in to another game entirely?

You cowering bastard!

I added this rule regarding missile weapon (bows, spears and such) hits to the 1d4 critical table, and also changed it so these weapons function like firearms and energy weapons.
I must say that for the first time ever, I am satisfied with the way ranged weapons work. Also I like the idea of making a player say, "I'm cowering this round."
Perhaps I'll insist they whimper.


Cowering: when fired upon with missile weapons*such as arrows, sling stones, or spears, an unsurprised character may hide beneath a large shield and will, in the case of a normal hit, only take normal hit point damage (e.g. 1d6 from an arrow). Critical hits are considered to have pierced the shield and result in a roll on the wound table. Whilst cowering, a character may move 1/4 the Normal rate.


*Not to be confused with firearms or energy Weapons

1d4 wound and critical hit table

Part 2 0f 2; part one here.
For medium and small creatures:
For use when:
1] A hit is scored with a missile weapon***a firearm or an energy weapon*.
2] A critical hit (natural 20) is scored with a muscle powered melee**weapon.
3] when a character with 0 hit points is hit with any weapon.

Roll 1d4

1. Minor Wound: 1d4 days to heal [-1 to all die rolls and - 1d4-1 to movement rate during the recovery period].

2. Major Wound: 2d8+2 days to heal [-3 to all die rolls and -1d6+1 to movement rate during recovery period].

3. Grievous Wound: d30 +10 days to heal. [-6 to all die rolls and movement reduced to 1 during recovery period]. Note: A character with a grievous wound must be stabilized within 10 rounds or make a successful saving throw otherwise the wound becomes a mortal wound, and all related conditions apply.

4. Mortal wound: Save or die. A successful save reduces the damage to a Grievous Wound with doubled recovery time. A failed save results in death in 1d6-1 rounds. AT THE REFEREE'S DISCRETION dead character may be healed by miraculous means (super science or magic) for 1d100 rounds after death.

Cowering: when fired upon with missile weapons***, an unsurprised character may hide beneath a large shield and will, in the case of a normal hit, only take normal hit point damage (e.g. 1d6 from an arrow). Critical hits are considered to have pierced the shield and result in a roll on the wound table. Whilst cowering, a character may move 1/4 the Normal rate.

Optional rule: Characters with Major or Grievous Wounds who engage in strenuous activity (e.g. combat) prior to the end of the recovery period must make a saving throw. A failed save resets the recovery period back to the beginning, and in the case of a grievous wound the character immediately becomes unconscious.



Notes:
This is simple table; the lack of descriptive text is intentional. Description and nuanced effects should be determined by the Metal Master and/or the players. For example, if a hit inflicts a mortal wound on a character and the character successfully saves vs death and has the severity of the wound reduced to grievous, the referee may rule that a limb or an eye has been lost, a terrible scar inflicted, or that a complete recovery is eventually made. This should be situational and be determined on a case by case basis- often by fiat.

* E.G. guns, blasters, and plasma blades.
**E.G. a sword
*** E.G. spears, slings and bows

The Gordian Knot of Old Style Gaming: Skills.

Head, a city on the north coast of Xäl

Introduction:

The Zen of Freight:

As a freight handler, the job I had before returning to the eternal womb of academia, I possessed but one rule: never touch the box. Now, my job was to move boxes from place to place, but my goal was to never ever touch them, ever, ever, ever- impossible, yes, but also sensible.

Every time you move a box, you risk hurting yourself, or damaging the freight. Therefore, you must strive to never touch the box. Every time you are forced to break the rule and touch the box, you must strive to break contact as soon as possible; furthermore, you must engineer things so as you never touch the box again.

I try to approach rules tinkering the same way.

I try never to change the rules, but unfortunately as a referee engaged in the act of bending a game to my world, it’s my job. Therefore, whenever I do touch a rule, or group of rules, I try to minimize my contact, whilst simultaneously achieving my goal.

All that brings us to skills. I do not want to use them; they are fiddly and full of suck, but I want to have a system for overcoming certain kinds of obstacles and executing certain actions. Beyond that, I want a system that recognizes that different characters have different capacities in regards to different activities.

At first glance, that would seem to leave me at an impasse.

However, looking at S&W I see a preexisting mechanic that can be used without changing much of anything at all- the saving throw.

Every character has already has a ST. (See that, I’m not touching the box, and already I’ve gotten somewhere).

What I’m about to say is so simple that I’m (no joke) really not sure if I can express it clearly- let me know, please.

If a character wants to climb a cliff, pick a lock, navigate a ship, figure out how to recharge an energy weapon, or, really, do whatever, they (at the ref's discretion) must make a saving throw. This saving throw may or may not be subject to modification by the referee. This modification may be based on one or at most two, of several factors, including but not limited to- character background, an attribute score, the difficulty of the task, wind speed, relative flatulence, breast size or whatever.

[Note- some tasks (e.g. getting drunk, blowing your nose, walking down the street) are so easy that they should not require a ST- but hopefully you knew that; otherwise, lay off the glue, man; your habit demeans us both.]

Back to the ST.

An example:

After riding all day through the Jungle of Nool, Kronarg The Cannibal comes to a sheer cliff blocking further progress. He decides to climb the cliff and keep going. The referee frowns, ingests some (possibly illegal) chemicals, and considers the factors in play.

Kronarg’s strength is 15; he is a level 4 Fighter, which makes his base saving throw a 13; he grew up in the southern wasteland of Skeeme and never saw a hill until after his 20^th birthday.

To determine Kronarg's base modifier, the ref divides his strength by 6 and rounds down (I’m touching the box, now; be cool, it was bound to happen) this gives Kronarg a modifier of +2.

However, it is windy and near dark; furthermore, Kronarg hasn’t had much experience climbing sheer cliffs. The refereee decides it’s a wash and tells the player to make a saving throw with no modifiers. If Kronarg can beat a 13 he climbs the cliff without too much trouble. If he misses the Referee may grant another saving throw (perhaps based on dexterity) for Kronarg to regain his grip, or maybe he just falls and takes some damage- it’s up to the ref.

So, in summary here’s how I roll-

Divide by 6:

Decide which attribute best applies to the situation, divide it by 6, round down. This is the player’s positive mod.

Determine if the task is difficult or easy or whatever:

This is completely up to the referee. It can be a negative mod or a positive or no mod at all.

Keep it at two mods- hell, keep it at one (or none) if you can and it makes sense to you.

Okay, that's pretty much it. This can be used for just about anything the PCs might want to do.

Once more: Pick a stat; divide by six; assign a mod or two; you’re done.

Now at this point, if you’re really drunk (again), you might be thinking: wow- that’s not a bad idea, maybe this Aos guy should make up a table of common modifiers.

Maybe you should put down the wine cooler, step the fuck away from the box, and reconsider for a second, eh, Slappy? First- wine coolers? Really? This isn’t 1988, bud; show some fucking dignity.

Consistency is overrated, and has little or no place in my style of game.

You can never step in the same stream twice; you can never climb the same cliff twice; the wind may be different; the light might be better; you might be climbing below Sursha the Sexy on her “no underwear” day.

The referee should never feel compelled to be consistent in the assignation of modifiers. As I’ve said, the world isn’t consistent; furthermore, codification leads to charts. Even under the best circumstances, if you are looking something up on a chart you are slowing down play. In other words- if you’re creating a new chart, you aren’t just touching the box- you’re making love to it. Sweet, sweet love.

You sick bastard.

Note: Hypocrite that I am, I’ll be touching this box again, anyway, possibly with my tongue, when I make the new character classes.

Note 2: RE: The drawing- I do not like the drawing a the top of the post (for one thing, there isn’t a half dressed girl in it), so I’ll be doing it over when I post the detailed break down of Head, which will happen… someday.

I think next time, though, I’ll be starting on those new classes. First up The Emissary- think Taarna from Heavy Metal.

Badasses and hit point Heresy

Sometimes a badass just needs a ride.

What follows was inspired, in part, by this-

Trollsmyth's Damage Table

However, it is also the distillation of some ideas that have been bouncing around in my head for quite some time; some of it comes directly from a forum post I made a while back; most of it is new.

Edit: I now have my own, slightly different table.

Disclaimer: what follows will definitely add a little more complexity to play, but only a little and there is some bad language. If either of those things bother you, I suggest you put on a Sean Cassidy record and think of puppies or hobbits or some shit like that.

Now, excuse me, whilst I behave like an idiot:

The Metal Earth is not an heroic setting; it’s too late to save the world in any significant way. You might save a city or a region from a specific threat, but the world? No motherfucking way. That shit is just too fucked up. Again, in case you didn’t get it the first time, Mr. Frodo- The Metal Earth is not an heroic setting.

What The Metal Earth is, however, is a badass setting.

Like the comics, novels and movies that inspired it, The Metal Earth is slopping over with badasses. Being a badass isn’t about being unkillable; it’s about being tough. Your PC is not indestructible, not deathless, not going to win every time- but he* is a motherfucking badass.

With big giant balls of badass steel**.

*or she, or it- badasses don’t care about PC shit like this; they’re too busy kicking ass and/or shagging your little sister.

**Now would be a good time to get in touch with your inner 14 year old by putting on Back in Black.

Anyone who willingly ventures outside the cities has giant metal nads, anyone who is exiled and survives, also has giant balls of steel- even if all they do is run and hide all the time. If your character can get it together long enough to crouch in a bush and punch a grumpy, he has big giant motherfucking shining ferrous balls- and he is tougher than the steak special at the motherfucking Sizzler.

Therefore, the hit point rules as written do not work for me. (As a point of information, they never have). So here is my new system, like or leave it- if you want to use the ME (and some people seem to want to) you can just as easily use the rules as written and I very much encourage you to do so- what works for you works for you, but I’m going to offer this system as an alternative.

Metal Earth alternate Hit Point Rules:

The small and the large: These rules only work for small and medium creatures, and perhaps should be used only for PCs and important NPCs, but that, like everything else is up to the Metal Master… er, I mean the referee. The standard system applies to bigger animals, mainly because in the most extreme sense, it’s easier to swat an elephant with your sword than it is to hit some leaping, dancing badass like D'Artagnan.

Hit points represent fortitude, luck and skill. They do not represent the ability to sustain physical damage. They are computed as follows:

Hit points= Constitution + ld6 + LVL mod.

Level Mod= +1 per level for sorcerers; +2 per level for everyone else.

Melee Damage:

When a character reaches 0 hit points- that means they’ve actually been hit, up until that point they have not actually sustained any real physical damage. At this point the referee rolls on this table

Critical hits:

A natural 20 is a critical hit. The player who has sustained a critical hit must make a saving throw; a failed save results in a roll on the wound table- and the loss of 50% of remaining hit points. A success means a loss of 50% of remaining hit points- or max normal damage, whichever is more.

Missile/Energy Weapon Damage:

If hit by a Missile weapon a character must make a saving throw. If the character fails the saving throw, they roll on the damage table, and hit points are immediately reduced by 50% of their current total. A successful save results in normal hit point damage. A critical hit is of course a critical hit. Anyway, missile weapons can fuck you up.

Recovery:

Standard: CON/5 + 1/2 LVL times a day, badasses heal 1d6 hit points. This is when the character has a chance to catch their breath (at least one turn) or drink some strong booze; that’s right, if you’re a badass, whiskey is a fucking healing potion.

If recovery is done in combat, the badass must sacrifice an action and only receives 1d4 hit points (unless, as mentioned above, they drink some hooch). Whiskey or not, this can never be done more than once every 10 rounds.

Basically, if recovery is done while at rest, the character is catching their breath; if done during a fight the character is hella pissed off and ready to kick an imperial* shit ton of ass.

Regardless, a good night's sleep will restore all hit points- unless there is a shortage of food and water, in which case it's up to the referee how much is recovered.

*That’s right, sweetheart, an imperial shit ton, badasses do not use the fucking metric system, nor do they fucking speak fucking Elvish. Do you think Conan used the motherfucking metric system? He’d rip off your genitals merely for suggesting such a thing. Den of Earth is another badass who didn’t use the metric system; first off, he was an American, and they’re not even smart enough to divide by 10 for fuck’s sake, and, beyond that, he measured everything in cock lengths- e.g. an elephant is 3 dencocks long.

....So anyway, Mr. Frodo, if you've got problems with any of this, Legolas is holding a table for you down at The Prancing Pony. The two of you can sit down together and convert BTUs to kilocalories or some shit like that; then you can have a good cry, together, in Elvish.