Saturday, March 26, 2011

1d12 table of random NPC asssholery

I wrote this whilst thinking about some of the people I knew in Jr high, and (especially) grad school. Some of these people will make an exceedingly good first impression, others will be blatant assholes right from the start. I actually know someone with 11 of the 12 traits (she is hygienic) so feel free to roll multiple times- perhaps you could even roll 1d12:

  1. Persecution complex: thinks everyone is out to get him/her.
  2. Bad hygiene: never washes, smells like a goat.
  3. Pathological liar: lies all the time, even when the truth would suit his purpose.
  4. Negative: interprets everything in the worst light.
  5. Sexist: openly hates the opposite sex.
  6. Invalidator: sneers at the aspirations and efforts of others.
  7. Manipulative control freak: everything they do is designed to influence and maneuver others.
  8. Whiner: bitches and complains all the time.
  9. Cowardly.
  10. Angry: Mad about something all the time. If one situation gets resolved, they find something else.
  11. Traitor: Completely without loyalty.
  12. Arrogant, self involved big talker : Begins virtually every sentence with the word “I” and is the hero of every story they tell, furthermore this individual will often pretend to have special status or access to secret knowledge.

Note: Most of the people i know from grad school are fine human beings, but it is hard to deny that the asshole index is a little higher in academia than in the general population.


  1. I'm fighting traits 1 and 4. RE academia: After grad school, some part time jobs at a University and a significant other who works in a University (as well as a father who is a retired Prof), it certainly seems like Academia is the refuge of the asshole... but years of working in the private sector have taught me to believe that is not the case. I think a percentage of humans are just maladjusted and causing other people problems gives them delight.... in academia, however, the assholes are likely to be more blatant in their assholery and the sufferers of assholism are more likely to complain out loud.

  2. I don't have any real disagreement with that, I've done years and years in the private sector, and there is not an asshole shortage there either. However, the combined like aspect of grad school makes it almost impossible to avoid getting caught up in the politics. In the private sector I found that for the most part if i just kept to myself and did my work I could avoid a large part of the BS. Also private sector jobs can be very easy to leave at the door in comparison to serious study, which can eat up your every waking moment with or without your consent. Anyway, the point of the post wasn't to rag on grad students, really. I just thought some of the really fucked up ones would make fun npcs- especially if you didn't get wise to them until half way through the adventure.

  3. Mining memories of school for NPCs is a great idea! That's probably where we get a lot already - it might be interesting to do it more consciously.

  4. Agreed, Aos. Being in grad school sometimes felt like being a dog in Mike Vick's kennel --- drawing blood over the promise of an occasional bowl of Alpo.

  5. An occasional bowl of alpo that might very well turn out to be completely imaginary.

  6. An occasional bowl of alpo that might very well turn out to be completely imaginary. Yes! And even if it was not imaginary, it had more-than-likely already been eaten by someone else when it was promised to you!
    (what me bitter?)

  7. Have we done field work together?